is your marriage on the brink and you’re feeling stuck?
Did you partner drop the D-word and you are terrified that your marriage is coming to an end?
Do you find yourself vacillating between working on the marriage and throwing in the towel?
Have you been living with so much unhappiness that the idea of marriage counseling feels unbearable?
Are you tired of trying to convince your partner that your marriage is still worth fighting for?
When unhappiness and resentment grow over time, a marriage can come to an impasse: either you continue to sit with the unhappiness, you call it quits, or you commit to working on the marriage to heal your wounds.
In those stuck situations, it can feel so overwhelming to imagine going to marriage counseling. Maybe you’ve tried it before and nothing changed, or you have a lot of apprehensions about spending months going to couples therapy to work on a relationship that feels dead to you. Maybe you are panicked that your partner is ready to divorce and you are frantically trying to convince him/her that your marriage is still worth fighting for. There is a way to find relief from this stuck place…
Discernment counseling can help you find a clear path Forward
With 30% of couples having conflicting views about the future of the marriage, Discernment Counseling was developed to provide clarity and confidence about the future of the relationship with an emphasis on understanding your individual contributions to the state of your marriage.
Discernment Counseling is NOT couples therapy:
It is an empirically studied approach that resembles coaching rather than therapy. Within a structured format you will together and individually discuss your respective narratives for how you got here and where you feel you want to go.
Discernment Counseling is about exploring three paths:
Throughout the brief process, we will honestly explore three separate paths — keeping things as is, pursuing separation, or committing to 6 months of couples therapy. All three will be on the table and worthy of discussion.
Discernment Counseling is NOT long-term therapy:
With Discernment Counseling, you are only committing to ONE 2-hour session. After that session, you can either choose to do another discernment counseling session (90mins) or choose a path to move forward with. Discernment Counseling is time-limited: by the 5th session, you will have to make a choice about how you want to proceed.
Here are some common questions about this approach:
“Is Discernment Counseling about trying to convince me to go down the path my partner wants?”
Absolutely not! Discernment Counseling is not about some hidden agenda to convince either of you to pick a specific path. It’s about giving you a structured model and environment to gain clarity about what you want for yourself and your family. In fact, what counseling offers is enough space to do your own exploration outside of the pressures you might feel when you’re trying to talk to your partner at home.
“I have so many apprehensions that we’re just going to have the same endless conversations we’re already having.”
Discernment Counseling is structured in a way where you will meet in the first session for approximately 30-40mins together, then the majority of the remainder of the time you will be working with me individually. After each individual sessions, you will share with your spouse something you have learned or affirmed from our work. We will regroup to share if you want to do another DIscernment session or if you’ve made a decision about a path.
“What will the individual sessions entail?”
The individual sessions will be about discussing where you are emotionally and conceptually about the marriage. I will play an active role in supporting and guiding you to find your real voice and wishes. I will gently prompt you to explore and identify how you may have contributed to the current state of the marriage. Ultimately, whether in this marriage or another relationship, until you can recognize your patterns, you are bound to repeat the same mistakes.
you don’t have to stay stuck in indecision about your marriage
Many couples find themselves leaning toward different and conflicting paths about the future of the marriage. After years of hurt, disconnection, or uncovering yet another deceit, you can be at a real crossroads.
Discernment Counseling will offer you a way forward so that you can move ahead with confidence and certainty about your decision, whether that be not making any changes, separating, or committing to working on the relationship in a proven marriage therapy model.
*** To find out more, I invite you to book a FREE consultation with me. I offer in-person psychotherapy in Westport, CT (Fairfield County) and online counseling throughout Connecticut and New York ***