Is infertility taking a toll on your life and marriage?

  • Are you feeling scared and hopeless that you might never be able to conceive?

  • Are you spending your days consumed with researching and reading up on the various treatment options, to the point that you can’t focus on anything else?

  • Is each unsuccessful cycle/month chipping away at your sense of self and your marriage?

  • Feeling like you and your partner are drifting away because you have such different ways of coping with uncertainty?

Going through infertility is like being on the scariest roller coaster you can imagine with no end in sight. There are moments when you will yourself to be hopeful and positive, but with each passing cycle you are feeling like you’re spiraling down. You’re growing increasingly scared and hopeless. And while you want to be able to turn to your partner for comfort and understanding, he/she is unable to be there for you in the way that you need. So, you’re now feeling disconnected and therefore even more isolated (because you’ve been keeping your journey through infertility private, protected from the opinions of others).

 

INFERTILITY IS LIKE SILENT TORTURE

Even though 1 in 8 couples will go through infertility, there is an isolating silence around the toll this medical issue takes on individual and couples. Unlike other medical conditions, infertility is such a personal matter that we often try to contain it within the marriage or the immediate circle of family/friends. However, overtime, it can feel like the world is closing up on you because with each passing failed cycle or miscarriage you have less and less strength to break the news to those who are waiting at the edge of their seat to hear if you’re finally pregnant.

During this painful process, you can feel parts of your identity breaking down. You’re questioning your worth as a woman/man and as a spouse. You reel against your body that is seemingly failing you. You revisit every past decision and play the what-if game in a loop. 

Many will go through a period of worry at best, and complete distress at worse. What amplifies the experience is the disconnection that can occur with the couple:

One of you is able to compartmentalize and feel responsible to carry the flag of hope for both of you, while the other feels consumed, distraught, and alone. The very person you want and need to turn to, is also the same person who can exacerbate your pain.

You want to have a child with your partner, but you’re so scared of the growing distance between you. It may even start feeling like you are getting to a fork in the road, leaving you with an impossible decision: either I keep trying at the risk of chipping away the foundation of my marriage or I have to walk away from my dream to be a parent, but I know I will resent my partner forever.

 

couple expecting a baby

INFERTILITY COUNSELING CAN RESTORE YOUR RESILIENCE AND MARRIAGE

Whether it’s been a few months or a few years, counseling individuals and couples through infertility requires not only specialized therapeutic skills but also medical knowledge of what infertility treatments entail. The last thing you want to do in your darkest moments is to educate the person who should be helping you about what you’re going through.

Infertility counseling is a special area of passion of mine because not only have I been through years of this journey as well, but I have devoted a significant portion of my clinical training in identifying the best way to help individuals and couples going through infertility, for which I was published in a peer-reviewed psychotherapy journal.

I will hold space for both of your personal experiences and have a very clear birds-eye view of the “dance” you are doing as a couple in pain.

Having led many support groups, counseled men, women, and couples, I know how to help you navigate the waves of emotions that have been swallowing you up.

You do not have to suffer alone and in isolation from each other. Infertility counseling can help you regain your strength and find a way back to each other in your marriage.

 

YOU MAY HAVE SOME LINGERING QUESTIONS…

  • “Infertility treatments are already so costly, can we really afford to also go to therapy?”

While the financial toll infertility treatments take is undeniable, we fail to account for the greater emotional toll it takes on the individuals and the relationship. The distress levels for those going through infertility are significantly higher than almost any other medical issue. Because I have cultivated a specialized understanding of the mental (and physical) negative effects of infertility, I will provided you with focused counseling to help you get to the other side. Think of it this way: even if you become pregnant and have a baby, how will your relationship sustain the years to come with children when infertility has chipped away at your martial foundation?

  • “I don’t know if I have the time to go to therapy when I’m already having to squeeze in medical appointments”

There is no doubt that juggling medical appointments in the midst of life can leave you in a constant state of stress. While infertility clinics often have very limited windows of time during which you have to receive treatment, I offer evening and weekend appointments to help alleviate some of the stress of trying to squeeze everything into a 9-5 day.

  • “What if coming with my spouse will make things worse between us? It’s already hard enough to pretend that we’re ok.”

This is such a frequent and valid worry. As a certified Emotionally Focused Therapist,  I will provide you with an effective and proven model of healing your bond and improving communication between you. Couples therapy, especially with infertility as its backdrop, requires skilled psychotherapeutic support.

Combining my extensive trainings in marriage counseling with my personal and professional knowledge of infertility will offer the kind of guidance you need to keep your marriage intact no matter how your infertility journey resolves. 

 

You do not have to go through this painful process alone, isolated from each other and from yourselves. I can help you navigate the precarious waters and reconnect with the person you were before being thrusted into the world of infertility.

**** To find out more, contact me for a FREE consultation. I offer in-person psychotherapy (in Westport, CT) and online counseling throughout Connecticut and New York.*****

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I’m never aware of the hope until it’s gone, whooshed away like a rug pulled from under my feet, each time I hear another “I’m sorry.”
— Lianne Moriarty